Tag: Kinetic(Mis)Shift

Kinetic(Mis)Shift: Steam Bath for Your Gut

 

Way back when, when a trip to the spa meant a workout, the sauna was seen as part of “exercise.” We assume people thought the steam could “burn” off the fat, or somehow shrink you down. This same logic appears with the Belly Sauna, which asks if you are looking for six pack abs why do sit ups, diet and eat right or just anything that involves working out. Instead, the logic here is to put on this undershirt on and it will heat up the fat and turn it off.

Why break a sweat from working out when you can just turn up the heat seems to be the point. In other words, it sounds like a pointless product without any good intentions.

Kinetic(Mis)Shift are products that we think deserve to be called out for their utter lack of fitness benefits.

Kinetic(mis)Shift: Fitness Tech Bood Camp Promo Video

There are plenty of tech-enhanced video products promoted with videos on Youtube. Yet, there are so many that fall short. This promo video from Fitness Tech Boot Camp is just another one of those. Hello Fitness Tech Boot Camp, who are you? We just watched your 52-second video and am both baffled and a little turned off.

No amount of hard, angry music is going to make us want to choose you to get into shape. We still don’t know what “tech” you’re employing, other than the ability to create a 52-second video containing nothing more than a slide show. The video could have spent the time showing me what technology is employed, or actual video of sample workouts. Tell us who you are. Show us who you are. Right now, we got nothing.

And then we clicked on this video, which had slightly better music and possibly some photos of people doing the workout, but still in slideshow form.

Kinetic(Mis)Shift are products that we think deserve to be called out for their utter lack of fitness benefits.

Kinetic(Mis)Shift: Failure to Launch

Watch the video above, but imagine our new voice over and music instead.

(Cue music: Fanfare of the Common Man)

Voice over: Ever since the dawn of time, man has dreamed of flying. OK, we’re not sure if that is in fact true. But TV shows such as Gilligan’s Island, movies like The Rocketeer and G.I. Joe cartoons have at least suggested it has been a dream for the ages.

The problem is that there has never been a way to solve the issue of weight vs. fuel supply. Most jetpacks could only stay airborne for 20 or 30 seconds, making it extremely impractical at best. But that problem is a thing of the past.

(Cue music: The Scorpion’s “Rock Me Like a Hurricane”)

Voice over: The Jetlev flyer is here and for just 129,000  € you can take flight. This jet ski technology can lift 400 to 500 pounds without trouble. It just needs a giant rubber hose to pump water to the pack. So if you need to fly over a small lake or have a really big pool you can be a true jet setter!

-End-

 Kinetic(Mis)Shift are products that we think deserve to be called out for their utter lack of fitness benefits.

Kinetic(mis)Shift: Once-a-Week Fitness

Ever gone to the gym’s trainer and lifted weights just above your ability? Your muscles feel like used rubber bands and you don’t feel like visiting the gym for about a week. The MaxOut Strength Studio work on this premise, and charges you $140 (per month) for four workouts. That’s more than most gyms and this is a small “studio” with leather couches instead of equipment. The franchise states a guarantee of results, but never states what that guarantee actually is.

MaxOut Strength Studios

Kinetic(Mis)Shift are products that we think deserve to be called out for their utter lack of fitness benefits.

Kinetic(Mis)Shift: Where’s the Rope?

We’ve seen these for a while now. We get the idea; it is like jump rope but with the rope. Instead of a rope the JumpSnap uses little balls on a short string and this “simulates” a jump rope. The device counts your jumps, timing and calories. That’s all good, but the counting part is easy enough to do already, the timing part of jump rope is sort of the point and any heart rate monitor will count the calories. And while the video says “in less time,” we wonder, does not having a rope really speed up the exercise somehow? About the only thing we see as a benefit is that you can’t have a misstep and somehow trip yourself – but if you’re that uncoordinated you probably have bigger issues to deal with it.

Kinetic(Mis)Shift are products that we think deserve to be called out for their utter lack of fitness benefits.

Kinetic(Mis)Shift: Bladder Problems

Camel Back, good. BeerBelly, bad. Not much else needs to be said about this product, which is apparently marketed to allow people to sneak  alcohol into the ball park. The truth is that most users probably already have put on more than a few pounds before even using this product, and we suspect they also have a true beer belly. With this on their gut they’ll probably look downright obese.

Kinetic(Mis)Shift are products that we think deserve to be called out for their utter lack of fitness benefits.